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The officer shouted
orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch
case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a
medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!"
A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day
noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the
message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
What did one
maggot say to the other who was
stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one, then!
"Know thyself," said the old philosopher, "improve thyself," saith the new. Our great object in time is not to waste our passions and gifts on the things external that we must leave behind, but that we cultivate within us all that we can carry into the et Edward Bulwer-Lytton
A love of tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril; but the new view must come, the world must roll forward. Sir Winston Churchill
A man in all the world's new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his brain. William ShakespeareThe Ocean's Cry for Help: Gotta-See Videos
What happens if we kill the world's oceans? Nothing good.
Pit Bulls Not Vicious, Ohio Says: DNews Nuggets
After a heroic pit bull named Lily saves her owner's life, Ohio reverses its position on the breed.
Kids Use Kinect for Robot Competition
A kit containing 600 to 700 parts, including Kinect hardware and software, was used to build basketball-shooting robots.
Bigfoot and Yeti DNA Study Gets Serious
A call is out for supposed Big Foot material so university scientists can do genetic testing.
Hurricane Season Comes Early This Year
Meteorologists named the first storm of the 2012 hurricane season this year: tropical storm Alberto is starting the party early.