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Jokes about Special

Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!

There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt. POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket! The very angry looking Genie said, "All right, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!" The surprised man said, "OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii." The genie replied with a smirk, "Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it wou ld take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen." The man said, "Fine then, I want to understand women." The genie said, " Would you like two lanes or four?

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, 'Father, forgive me for I have sinned.' The priest asks, 'What did you do?' The woman says, 'I committed adultery.' The priest says, 'How many times?' And the woman replies, 'Three.' Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more.' A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, 'Father forgive me for I have sinned.' 'What did you do?' I committed adultery.' r 'How many times?' 'Three times.' The priest says, 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.' The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says, 'Father, forgive me for I have sinned.' The rabbi says, 'What did you do?' The woman replies, 'I committed adultery.' The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, 'How many times?' The woman replies, 'Once.' The rabbi said, 'Go and do it two more times, We have a special this week, three for $5.'

Quotes Title

A man whose life has been dishonourable is not entitled to escape disgrace in death. Lucius Accius

Approach each new problem not with a view of finding what you hope will be there, but to get the truth, the realities that must be grappled with. You may not like what you find. In that case you are entitled to try to change it. But do not deceive yoursel Bernard M. Baruch

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. George Washington