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Mandy: Our teacher went on a
special banana
diet.
Andy: Did she lose weight?
Mandy: No, but she sure could
climb trees well!
There
was a guy walking down the street in
San Francisco, and he tripped over
an old looking oil lamp.
He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was
priceless.
While he was running to the antique shop to cash
this puppy in, it
rubbed against his shirt.
POOF! A genie
popped out of his pocket!
The very angry looking Genie said, "All
right, I have had enough with
this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you
stole me away from my HBO Special,
I will only give you one wish!"
The surprised man said, "OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge
condo
on the beach with three million dollars in the master
bedroom, but I am
afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a
bridge from here to
Hawaii."
The genie replied with a smirk,
"Are you crazy? Do you know how long
that will take, with the pillars
going down to the bottom of the ocean,
all the cement it wou
ld take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just
can't happen."
The man said, "Fine then, I want to understand women."
The genie said, " Would you like two lanes or four?
A
priest was called away for an
emergency. Not wanting to leave the
confessional unattended, he called his
rabbi friend from across the street
and asked him to cover for
him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest
told
him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit
and show
him what to do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the
priest are in the confessional. In a
few minutes, a woman comes in and
says, 'Father, forgive me for I have
sinned.'
The priest
asks, 'What did you do?'
The woman says, 'I committed
adultery.'
The priest says, 'How many times?'
And the woman
replies, 'Three.'
Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the
box, and go and sin no
more.'
A few minutes later a man
enters the confessional. He says, 'Father
forgive me for I have
sinned.'
'What did you do?'
I committed adultery.'
r
'How many times?'
'Three times.'
The priest
says, 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and
sin no
more.'
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so
the priest
leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters
and says, 'Father, forgive me
for I have sinned.'
The
rabbi says, 'What did you do?'
The woman replies, 'I committed
adultery.'
The rabbi, getting it off pat, says, 'How many
times?'
The woman replies, 'Once.'
The rabbi said, 'Go and
do it two more times, We have a special this
week, three for
$5.'Pre-Columbian Star War Stories Emerge From Stones
The carvings show symbols of death and crude representations in line with the Aztecs' bloody rituals.
New Bat Has Odd-Shaped Nose
Is that the head of an owl you see on the nose of this new bat species or an elaborate shield?
Should We Keep Punishing Chris Brown?
Or is the criticism doing more harm than good?
Blood Predicts Everlasting Love?: DNews Nuggets
Larger amounts of a certain hormone in the blood suggest a long-lasting relationship.
Camp Stove Charges Your Phone, Cooks Your Goose
BioLite stoves make cooking on wood clean and safe, while generating electricity.