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The officer shouted
orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch
case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a
medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!"
The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier.
With considerable
bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of
battle, in the line of
fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead
soldier. In a hail of
bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!"
Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect
Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback.
He had
scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he
couldn't
find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl
win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene
in Bosnia.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young
Bosnian soldier
with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade
straight into a
15th-story window 200 yards away -- ka- boom! He
threw another hand
grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away
-- ka-blooey! Then a
car passed, going 90 mph -- bulls-eye!
"I've got to get this guy!" Ross said to himself. "He has the
perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the
great game of
football, and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl
for the first time in
history.
The young Bosnian is lioni
zed as the Great Hero of football, and when
Ross asks him what he
wants, all the young man wants to do is to call
his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl."
"I
don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted
us.
You are not my son."
"I don't think you understand, Mother!"
the young man pleads. "I
just won the greatest sporting event in the
world. I'm here among
thousands of my adoring fans."
"No,
let me tell you," the mother retorts. "At this very moment,
there
are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.
Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week,
and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight."
The
old lady pauses, and then tearfully says "...I'll never forgive
you
for making us move to Detroit."
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. Sinclair Lewis
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. Lord Byron
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Sea Weed Spotted Off Calif. Coast: DNews Nuggets
More than four tons of baled marijuana are spotted and recovered from the ocean off the coast of California.
US Launches Air Pollution Data in Shanghai
The United States consulate in Shanghai has begun issuing its own pollution statistics, giving a much more pessimistic assessment of the city's air quality than official Chinese data.
Visa-Free Startup Community Off California Coast
The first ocean-based tech incubator will launch in 2013.
Microbots Made of Bubbles Have Laser Engines
These bubbles are easy to control and could be used to build microscopic structures.