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The officer shouted
orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch
case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a
medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!"
A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day
noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the
message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed
robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the
tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up
against
a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is
going on accountant number one jams something in
accountant number
two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two
whispers, "What
is this?" to which accountant number one replies,
"it's that $50 I
owe you."
A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not. Henry Fielding
Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. Thomas Jefferson
All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by denouncing someone or something else. H. L. MenckenWhen Does Our Gender Stick?: Gotta-See Videos
Tyler was born a girl, but by the age of 2 he insisted he was a boy.
Sea Weed Spotted Off Calif. Coast: DNews Nuggets
More than four tons of baled marijuana are spotted and recovered from the ocean off the coast of California.
US Launches Air Pollution Data in Shanghai
The United States consulate in Shanghai has begun issuing its own pollution statistics, giving a much more pessimistic assessment of the city's air quality than official Chinese data.
Visa-Free Startup Community Off California Coast
The first ocean-based tech incubator will launch in 2013.
Microbots Made of Bubbles Have Laser Engines
These bubbles are easy to control and could be used to build microscopic structures.