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The officer shouted
orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch
case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a
medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!"
A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day
noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the
message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping
and goes to see
his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at
night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the
problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find
it."
"Know thyself," said the old philosopher, "improve thyself," saith the new. Our great object in time is not to waste our passions and gifts on the things external that we must leave behind, but that we cultivate within us all that we can carry into the et Edward Bulwer-Lytton
A love of tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril; but the new view must come, the world must roll forward. Sir Winston Churchill
A man in all the world's new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his brain. William Shakespeare