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A patient was at her doctor's office after
undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some
very grave
news for you. You only have six months to
live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor
replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?"
asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM
longer."
As a
senior citizen was driving down
the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering,
he heard his wife's
voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard
on the news that
there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be
careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of
them!"
A prisoner at
the Edmonton Max started
training a large fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of
hours, he worked with the insect. It
learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike,
balance on a pair of stilts
and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get
out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're going to tour
the nightspots and make a fortune."
Finally the day arrived. Fly
safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside
its matchbox home), the
ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.
At the bar, he
brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about
this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the
bartender reached for his copy of the
newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN,
rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.
"Glad
you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are
eve
rywhere."
[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. Al Capp
During my three years in Vietnam, I certainly heard plenty of last words by dying American footsoldiers. Not one of them, however, had illusions that he had somehow accomplished something worthwhile in the process of making the Supreme Sacrifice. Kurt Vonnegut
Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state. Thomas Jefferson