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A patient was at her doctor's office after
undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some
very grave
news for you. You only have six months to
live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
The doctor
replied, "Marry an accountant."
"Will that make me live longer?"
asked the patient.
"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM
longer."
As a
senior citizen was driving down
the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering,
he heard his wife's
voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard
on the news that
there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be
careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of
them!"
A prisoner at
the Edmonton Max started
training a large fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of
hours, he worked with the insect. It
learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike,
balance on a pair of stilts
and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get
out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're going to tour
the nightspots and make a fortune."
Finally the day arrived. Fly
safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside
its matchbox home), the
ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.
At the bar, he
brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about
this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the
bartender reached for his copy of the
newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN,
rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.
"Glad
you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are
eve
rywhere."
[The television is] an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. David Frost
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives. William Dement
Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture...Do not build up obstacles in your imagination. Norman Vincent Peale