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A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to
the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong
mean-looking, hulking guy
plops
down in the seat next to him and
immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick,
but he's afraid to
wake
the big guy up to ask if he can go to the
bathroom. He knows he can't
climb over him, and so the little guy
is sitting there, looking at the
big
guy, trying to decide what
to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable
wave of
nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in
any longer
and
he pukes all over the big guy's
chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees
the
vomit all over him.
"So," says the little guy, "are you
feeling better now?"
A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it
reached a
comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your
captain speaking.
Welcome to
Flight number 293, non-stop from New
York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and therefore we
should have a smooth flight, Now sit
back
and relax. - OH MY
GOD!"
Silence
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and
said: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you earlier,
but while I was
talking
the flight attendant brought me a cup
of coffee and spilled the hot
coffee
in my lap. You should see
the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said: "That's
nothing. He should see the back of
mine!"
Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath.
Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before.
Boy: Yes,
but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot
water!
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. Joey Adams
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it. Pierre Gallois
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. John Sladek